The Story of the Biggest Bug in the world!

I have never been so freaked out in my life. Okay I exaggerate, but when it comes to bugs, I have never been so freaked out. Hey, you know me, I catch bugs when everyone else freaks out over them and sets them free (I did learn from the best). But tonight was different.

I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when out of nowhere (well, presumably out of the window) this GIANT kamikaze-like-bug shoots into my room and it's GiNORMoUS!

AND it flies!

My heart was beating faster than i think it's ever beat before...even faster than that time when I was trapped in the embrace of Barrack Obama...

I'm not one to shy away from bugs (or Presidential candidates...), but i ran out of my room so fast..so fast I would have beaten Lightening in a 50 yard dash.

I was ready to sleep on my couch.

Finally, I manned up and went back in my room,
and picked up a hat in one hand,
and a tennis racket in the other.

And then! I saw the bug fly behind my bed,

My worst fear flashed before my very eyes,

This bug, this bugger, in my bed.

That's when I lost control.

Seriously. I lost my mind.

I started tearing apart my room.

I kept swinging the racket at the empty air,
swatting at the curtain where this creature had flown.

But there was no sign of the bug.

I wondered if I imagined the whole thing,
was I really that delirious?

I stripped my bed of all it's pillows, it's blankets,
I threw the mattress to the floor.
I MOVED the entire bed away from the wall,
screaming the whole time:
"You stupid animal, I know you're in here!"
"Where are you, you bugger, show yourself!"
and so on and so forth as I'm swatting my tennis racket like a maniac!

No bug.

I took the sheets off the mattress, which was now laying on the floor on the other side of the room. I shook out the sheets to make sure it wasn't hiding amidst the cotton.

Nothing.

I stood in the center of my torn up room, my feet firmly planted on the hardwood floor. I was standing guard, racket in hand, hat in the other.

Seconds went by, minutes.

No bug.

and THEN

there it was, ever so calmly crawling up my wall.

I just stood there, praying it would fly out the window before it could fly into my face and poke my eyes out.

Breathing heavily, I watched and waited.

It started crawling towards the other window...the closed window.

"no, no, no." I silently prayed to myself for this bug to get out of my life.

It finally turned it's course and headed towards the open window.
"Almost there, almost there little bugger..."

It climbed to the edge of the window, as if it were deciding whether to stay in or go out. With time, it made it to the other side of the window, but I was nervous, because it had yet to fly away.

I slowly and carefully creeped up to the window, using my hat as a shield, I quietly closed it tight.

And that is the last time I open my windows again!

The End.

* After much consideration, the authors of this piece investigated further into the origin of this bug. Here's what we found:

Name: Asian Cockroach



Status: At dusk, the Asian roach becomes very active and adults are attracted to light reflected off light-colored walls, doorways and windows. This roach is capable of sustained fly for a distance of 150 feet. They then actively try to enter the home where they rest on lighted walls. When lights are turned off (as residents of the home leave a room,) the cockroaches will follow to the next lighted room. Thus, many residents believe that these roaches are attacking them -- but they are not.
The natural habitat and flying abilities of these pests make them rather difficult to exterminate. The elimination (or control) of these bugs will be discussed in greater detail in the Roach Elimination section of this article.

To learn more, visit http://www.pestproducts.com/asian_cockroach.htm